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Saturday, January 11, 2014
Happy
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Saturday, October 8, 2011
Fall T-Ball
Monday, September 19, 2011
Change
I have so many thoughts running through my head that's it's almost overwhelming me right now. I had dreams growing up of what my life would be like. Of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be married to and I had accomplished all of that. I had what I thought was the perfect life. I had my husband, I had my home, I had my job, I had my family, and I had everything I ever needed. I was happy!! I can remember driving in from Birmingham to visit with my family and the happiness I felt just knowing I was coming home to the best family a girl could ever ask for. I would be so anxious to get home to be with them that I would accumulate many tickets over the next 3 years.
Then in a matter of minutes my life took a drastic turn. With 2 phone calls my life would slowly start crumbling and the once Happy feeling would be replaced with worry. With 2 phone calls my life would start falling apart. My family would start falling apart. With 2 phone calls my heart would be broken and the thought of I don't know what I would do without them in my life would turn into reality. It would turn into the thought of knowing I would have to face this soon and sooner than I ever thought possible.
The next months to follow were phone call after phone call of bad news. Then Feb. 6th 2005 the phone call that I got telling me that my father was dying would change me forever. It would turn my life into chaos. It would break me. Just rip my heart out of my chest, rip my family apart. I held on to him not wanting to let go. We needed him to keep us family.
Now I'm numb. I feel like I don't belong. Everyone always says I'm here for you if you need anything, but really that is just words to make them feel better. Can I call them sure I can, but would I no. Do they come to see me or call when in town, no. The people I could always count on are no longer there. It's me now! It's me to figure things out on my own. To ask complete strangers for help. To trust complete strangers to do right by me.
I'm grieving for the family I lost so many years ago. I'm grieving for the Jealousy I have towards other people that still have that happy family. I'm grieving for the girl that sat in the hospital room and held her dads hand and didn't want to let go. I'm grieving for the girl that is trying to hold on to her life she once had only to realize it has changed. It's changed forever and it's never coming back.
Then in a matter of minutes my life took a drastic turn. With 2 phone calls my life would slowly start crumbling and the once Happy feeling would be replaced with worry. With 2 phone calls my life would start falling apart. My family would start falling apart. With 2 phone calls my heart would be broken and the thought of I don't know what I would do without them in my life would turn into reality. It would turn into the thought of knowing I would have to face this soon and sooner than I ever thought possible.
The next months to follow were phone call after phone call of bad news. Then Feb. 6th 2005 the phone call that I got telling me that my father was dying would change me forever. It would turn my life into chaos. It would break me. Just rip my heart out of my chest, rip my family apart. I held on to him not wanting to let go. We needed him to keep us family.
Now I'm numb. I feel like I don't belong. Everyone always says I'm here for you if you need anything, but really that is just words to make them feel better. Can I call them sure I can, but would I no. Do they come to see me or call when in town, no. The people I could always count on are no longer there. It's me now! It's me to figure things out on my own. To ask complete strangers for help. To trust complete strangers to do right by me.
I'm grieving for the family I lost so many years ago. I'm grieving for the Jealousy I have towards other people that still have that happy family. I'm grieving for the girl that sat in the hospital room and held her dads hand and didn't want to let go. I'm grieving for the girl that is trying to hold on to her life she once had only to realize it has changed. It's changed forever and it's never coming back.
Friday, February 4, 2011
My Guy
My little guy or should I say big guy! Can't believe he is turning 3 in just a few weeks. He is growing up so fast and it makes me sad. I just want to keep him little and under my wing forever.
He is such a sweet little guy. He is my helper and loves to help me too, which makes it even better. He is so very shy and likes things to be the same and when they don't go just as planned he sometimes gets upset. He is in school now and will start T-Ball next month. I'm excited to see how he does with being around new people. He loves anything sports, cars, dirt, and well I guess anything boy!!
I love to see his face when I pick him up from school. He has the biggest smile ever on his little face. I love to sneak in on his class and watch him playing with his friends. He truly is a good kid. I don't think I've ever had anyone tell me different about him. He will share his toys and will apologize in a second if he has done anything wrong. To hear him say I love you mommy makes my heart just melt. I love him more and more each day.
My little 11 month princess
My how time is just passing by so quickly! I feel like it was just yesterday I was waiting to bring her home. She was feisty when I was carrying her and she still is now! She already has so much personality at 11 months old. She is into everything she can get her hands on. She eats anything and everything in sight. She loves her paci and she loves her big brother. Those 2 are inseparable and they are really starting to enjoy each others company now. She loves to be held and she likes to dance!
Keagan eating on a rock
She is tiny for her age! She is at 18 lbs. now and can still wear 6 months clothes! Tall and skinny just like her brother. She is now in her big girl car seat and she yells MOMMA as we are going down the road and when I get out of the car. She likes to throw things just so she can see me pick them up and believe me that little trick is getting old. She is very stubborn and will have the biggest melt down over the smallest thing (JUST LIKE SISSY APRIL).
Getting ready for the kids party!
Gosh who would have thought that planning a 3 year old and a one year old party could be so stressful. I've made all the decorations and planned everything by myself. Brody is so excited for his party and everyday almost he ask if it's time to go to his party. I have hired a guy to come and set up a climbing wall, slide, and bounce house. We also are going to have corn hole, basketball, soccer and I'm bringing all of Brody's ride on toys. I think this party is going to be so much fun for the kids or at least I hope it will.
Brody's theme is monster jam and Keagan's is black and white polka dots with hot pink accents. I hope once I set everything up it looks cute, so far here at the house everything looks great. We are having a candy bar and I even personalized all the candy! Casey thinks I'm crazy and ask me what I'm going to do in a couple of weeks when I don't have any arts and crafts to do? I can always find something to do around this house to keep me busy HELLO....we have a one year old and a three year old silly! Anyway, I'll post pictures of everything when it's over.
Brody's theme is monster jam and Keagan's is black and white polka dots with hot pink accents. I hope once I set everything up it looks cute, so far here at the house everything looks great. We are having a candy bar and I even personalized all the candy! Casey thinks I'm crazy and ask me what I'm going to do in a couple of weeks when I don't have any arts and crafts to do? I can always find something to do around this house to keep me busy HELLO....we have a one year old and a three year old silly! Anyway, I'll post pictures of everything when it's over.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Brother and Sister
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They play together all day and when Brody is at his school, Keagan is lost without him. She now walks all over the house looking for her big brother.
Brother and Sister and best friends!
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