Happy

When I look at this picture, I see happy. Happy because I had what I thought was the best life. I didn't know what true heart ache was. I find it hard sometimes to look at these pictures because I just want to grab that girl and tell her what is getting ready to happen, so she doesn't take one minute for granted. I want to tell her that her happy ever after isn't going to be so happy in a few years. She is going to be broken......completely BROKEN!!! 

Fall T-Ball

It's Fall T-ball time again and Brody is playing on the Yankee's team. He has improved so much since the spring season. I love watching him play and I'm so proud of him for trying so hard every time he goes on the Field. He is really funny to watch because he is so serious about catching the ball every time one is hit. Sometimes I think he thinks he is playing football because he will tackle to get the ball from his team mates. We have to remind him all the time that he is on the same team and to not be so aggressive. Casey and I both think our kids need to be involved in at least one activity growing up. So far Brody is doing T-Ball and Golf.

Change

I have so many thoughts running through my head that's it's almost overwhelming me right now. I had dreams growing up of what my life would be like. Of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be married to and I had accomplished all of that. I had what I thought was the perfect life. I had my husband, I had my home, I had my job, I had my family, and I had everything I ever needed. I was happy!! I can remember driving in from Birmingham to visit with my family and the happiness I felt just knowing I was coming home to the best family a girl could ever ask for. I would be so anxious to get home to be with them that I would accumulate many tickets over the next 3 years.

Then in a matter of minutes my life took a drastic turn. With 2 phone calls my life would slowly start crumbling and the once Happy feeling would be replaced with worry. With 2 phone calls my life would start falling apart. My family would start falling apart. With 2 phone calls my heart would be broken and the thought of I don't know what I would do without them in my life would turn into reality. It would turn into the thought of knowing I would have to face this soon and sooner than I ever thought possible.

The next months to follow were phone call after phone call of bad news. Then Feb. 6th 2005 the phone call that I got telling me that my father was dying would change me forever. It would turn my life into chaos. It would break me. Just rip my heart out of my chest, rip my family apart. I held on to him not wanting to let go. We needed him to keep us family.

Now I'm numb. I feel like I don't belong. Everyone always says I'm here for you if you need anything, but really that is just words to make them feel better. Can I call them sure I can, but would I no. Do they come to see me or call when in town, no. The people I could always count on are no longer there. It's me now! It's me to figure things out on my own. To ask complete strangers for help. To trust complete strangers to do right by me.

I'm grieving for the family I lost so many years ago. I'm grieving for the Jealousy I have towards other people that still have that happy family. I'm grieving for the girl that sat in the hospital room and held her dads hand and didn't want to let go. I'm grieving for the girl that is trying to hold on to her life she once had only to realize it has changed. It's changed forever and it's never coming back.

My Guy

My little guy or should I say big guy! Can't believe he is turning 3 in just a few weeks. He is growing up so fast and it makes me sad. I just want to keep him little and under my wing forever. He is such a sweet little guy. He is my helper and loves to help me too, which makes it even better. He is so very shy and likes things to be the same and when they don't go just as planned he sometimes gets upset. He is in school now and will start T-Ball next month. I'm excited to see how he does with being around new people. He loves anything sports, cars, dirt, and well I guess anything boy!!
I love to see his face when I pick him up from school. He has the biggest smile ever on his little face. I love to sneak in on his class and watch him playing with his friends. He truly is a good kid. I don't think I've ever had anyone tell me different about him. He will share his toys and will apologize in a second if he has done anything wrong. To hear him say I love you mommy makes my heart just melt. I love him more and more each day.

My little 11 month princess

My how time is just passing by so quickly! I feel like it was just yesterday I was waiting to bring her home. She was feisty when I was carrying her and she still is now! She already has so much personality at 11 months old. She is into everything she can get her hands on. She eats anything and everything in sight. She loves her paci and she loves her big brother. Those 2 are inseparable and they are really starting to enjoy each others company now. She loves to be held and she likes to dance! Keagan eating on a rock

She definitely is spoiled rotten to the core! She knows how to get her way in just about any situation and I think it's so funny how daddy falls for her little smile every time she does something wrong. He is so in trouble when she gets older! I don't think I've ever seen a girl so beautiful in all my life! She is just gorgeous and I tell her everyday just how pretty she is. She just smiles when I tell her and it's the cutest thing ever.

She is tiny for her age! She is at 18 lbs. now and can still wear 6 months clothes! Tall and skinny just like her brother. She is now in her big girl car seat and she yells MOMMA as we are going down the road and when I get out of the car. She likes to throw things just so she can see me pick them up and believe me that little trick is getting old. She is very stubborn and will have the biggest melt down over the smallest thing (JUST LIKE SISSY APRIL).

I have to say that she honestly has changed my life! From the minute I found out she was growing inside me I loved her! She is amazing and makes me smile all day! I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter. I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL WITH EVERYTHING IN ME!

Getting ready for the kids party!

Gosh who would have thought that planning a 3 year old and a one year old party could be so stressful. I've made all the decorations and planned everything by myself. Brody is so excited for his party and everyday almost he ask if it's time to go to his party. I have hired a guy to come and set up a climbing wall, slide, and bounce house. We also are going to have corn hole, basketball, soccer and I'm bringing all of Brody's ride on toys. I think this party is going to be so much fun for the kids or at least I hope it will.

Brody's theme is monster jam and Keagan's is black and white polka dots with hot pink accents. I hope once I set everything up it looks cute, so far here at the house everything looks great. We are having a candy bar and I even personalized all the candy! Casey thinks I'm crazy and ask me what I'm going to do in a couple of weeks when I don't have any arts and crafts to do? I can always find something to do around this house to keep me busy HELLO....we have a one year old and a three year old silly! Anyway, I'll post pictures of everything when it's over.

Brother and Sister

It's amazing watching my two babies develop this relationship between each other as they grow older. Brody is always helping us take care of her making sure she doesn't get hurt or get into things she shouldn't. When Keagan wakes up in the morning she always looks over my shoulder to see if she can see her brother. Once she spots him her face lights up and they both giggle and go on like they have missed each other so much. I love watching them together, they love each other so much!

They play together all day and when Brody is at his school, Keagan is lost without him. She now walks all over the house looking for her big brother.

Brother and Sister and best friends!